What 2010 Taught Me

I was all covered up when the year 2010 began. I wore leather boots, skinny jeans, long sleeves (with layers of clothes underneath) and a thick bright pink feather boa, primarily because I spent the holidays in America; but aside from that, what I wore also said something about me. During that time, I was very secretive about my thoughts and my feelings to the point that even though I did want to voice out my sentiments, I never really did. Something inside me always stopped me from saying things. Simply put, I was afraid... of exposing my mind and my heart. My what if's caused me to play it safe: to shut up and just listen. I hid my most sincere sentiments in the deepest corners of my soul.

But as the year progressed, I was faced with moments that urged me to just say what I wanted to say. I was pretty stubborn, most often than not, I held back. However, later on, I became bothered about it. I always felt a sting every time I kept my mouth shut, when deep inside I screamed out loud my thoughts and my feelings. There was that reverberating feeling: the words I was unable to verbalize haunted me at night like ghosts begging for salvation. I felt a pang of pain every time something awful happens which would not have happened if I chose to go out of my comfort zone and just said what I had to say.

Speak now or forever hold your peace. I had to learn that saying the hard way, yet because I eventually found the courage to speak out, finally I was able to: start attending belly dance classes, shift to a different course (I disliked the previous one), join Malate Literary Folio, be part of The Book Club, write on my bedroom wall (literally), read my poetry out loud in poetry readings, get answers I have been dying to find out and get rid of hang-ups.

It was funny how 2010 had a way with me. On the last day of the year, I was made to wear a halter top and a skirt (trivia: made of rubber bands!) for my friend Mea Figueras' school project, as if pointing out how much I have changed in a span of one year; how I am like a caterpillar in a cocoon that turned into a butterfly fluttering its wings.